2013

I am sorry I started this post with a meme but this was calling out to me

So 2012 is now past us, truthfully, although some great things happened last year, I am glad it's now over. It was a strange year for me, a lot of the bad was balanced by the good, but my 2012 started out with a lot of negativity and I don't think I fully recovered for a large part of the year. I am feeling a lot better now than I did this time last year and I am looking forward to 2013 with some hope and a plan.

I never make resolutions, I think if you want to change something in life, you should do it, regardless what time of the year it happens to be. Instead of resolutions, I have plans for the year, and maybe some small changes that I want to keep, course, some of them will be the stereotypical resolution, health wise but they're needed I guess.

Firstly is I hope to be working by the end of this year. I am in desperate need to work, not for the income but mainly just to be contributing to society and my self esteem. I think a large part of my anxiety will improve once I start working. It might become worse but I will feel so much better once I am in a stable working environment.

Over the past 2 years my Film work has become none existent.Which is a shame, it was something I was very passionate about. I felt like it was my true calling. In many ways, it felt that media and filming as a whole was the only thing I was remotely good at. It was one of the few things in this world I understand to some degree. I lost the urge to be in the field largely due to my depression and mood swings and over the past two years I have just lost the will to do anything related to filming or writing. Lately I have been wanting to go back to college, finish my pre degree. It's still to early to see how this will turn out in the end but I would still one day like to go to University. I should have been there already if I hadn't have given into the pressure and stress. I would like to start writing small films in my spare time. I am looking forward to starting a new you tube channel and starting to film again. I really should start up Rising Kite Films.

I really should start finishing what I start. I have a tendency to lose interest in books and video games. TV shows have been keeping my attention lately which is odd. Because I used to be the same with those to. I have a small pile of books and video games I need to work through before I pick up anything else. It will be  nice to start using the library again.

Finally I am starting to cut down on the amount of caffeinated coffee I drink. I really need to start drinking more water and start replacing my coffee with decaf. It wouldn't hurt to start eating a little more healthy as well. I want to research this before I dive straight in and eat nothing but fruit, I want to watch what I eat but I want to keep it balanced at the same time. I think my body and immune system will thank me in the long run. It cant hurt to drop a little weight either.

I think 2013 will be a better year that last. But as always it's not enough to hope for change, you have to work hard and earn the change, I just hope I have the willpower to work hard and bring the changes I desire this year.

NaNoWriMo: I Suck at This, But That's Okay.

Firstly, yes I said I would offer weekly reviews and content, and I am working on it, I have a review of the video game Faster Than Light lined up that I am still writing and I have to finish a few more things before I can offer weekly reviews, One of the issues I have come to face is images. I really don't want to simply rip the images of google search and host them here. I might have to with certain items I review but for the most part, I will try to get screenshots myself and host them instead of stealing other peoples work. - As for content, here is an update on National Novel Writing Month I mentioned last update.

So November hit us yesterday, and I haven't written a single word down yet. The reason for this is a mix of procrastination and anxiety. I have very little faith in my own idea, and I am massively worried about people reading my ideas. I am not the greatest of writers. As you can most likely see from all my grammar and punctuation errors that will no doubt plague all my future posts. It's the one reason I got into script writing, yes, I will be making a metric tone of errors and spelling mistakes, no one will read them because no doubt the script will be acted out in front of a camera - it all becomes irrelevant during post production. - As for novel and essay writing, I crumble under the worry. Creative writing is causes a great deal of stress for me. Questions flood my mind about plot holes, "will people find plot holes here?" - "What if I haven't described this characters motives well enough" - "Crap, Do I write in first or third person!?"

I think another worry for me is that I don't read enough, I know I should but I have an extremely short attention span, I will lay that down now. Something has to interest me from the get go, I don't believe in reading a book that gets "good" half way through, although I really should give books more of a chance, I just find it hard to find novels I actually enjoy, but when I find one, man do I enjoy it! - The reason this is a problem? I haven't read enough in order to get a grip on the different writing styles and influences. - silly, perhaps, but this does bother me, and I know how to fix it, read more books.

But why am I rambling on about this? It's because a thought dawned on me just now. I suck at writing, but that really is okay. I tried to write a story in this format last year, and while it was fun, it wasn't polished, I liked the idea, but I felt my writing let it down, but before I tried last year, I had never tried to write a story in that form. I am aware that writing is something you have to practice with, and everyone starts somewhere, I just feel a little late to the party. So for now, it's okay to be pretty poor at this, I just need to keep writing and surely it will improve. No one is great the first time, so I really need to stop trying to impress, and being a perfectionist, I should just sit down and write, and worry about all this afterwards.

Hey, it's been a while!

So yeah, I hardly ever write here, mainly because I feel it's a little redundant, since it seems I have hardly any readership. But that's okay, what I do post is mainly what happens to be on my mind at any given time. Mostly not worth reading really. On the flip side though, I feel a little bad that I hardly use this blog after my friend Emma Thorbinson helped me make this blog look really professional. - Also, as a thanks to Emma, please go check out her band Jessicas Ghost.

So what's been happening James, anything interesting. Well. Not really. I moved house a few times this year before settling down in February. Started a new relationship, thinking of returning to education and recently gotten back into playing Magic The Gathering, but that's not that all interesting really.

Also, I have been tinkering with the idea of providing weekly content here, I haven't fully planned the schedule but I was thinking of providing reviews every Friday, Personal updates weekly (I haven't figured out what day, I might move the reviews to Monday and do the weekly personal post on a Friday) and some other posts during the week, update on that coming soon I guess.

I am thinking of doing National Month of Writing (Nanowrimo) this November. The basic idea of Nano is you have one month to write a 50.000 word story. If you work around 3000 words a day you can pretty much pull it off. There are no prizes involved other than the self satification that you have the dedication to write 50.000 words within such a small time frame. 

It sounds great on paper but I really have little idea what I want to write about this year. in 2011 I was writing a story I spent a few years planning, only to have life get in the way and to be slapped in the face with a story that was far to detailed and pretty much impossible to find an ending I was happy with. This year I have two options. One idea is set in a dystopic future where the media controls all aspects of the population, imagine Rupert Murdoch being in charge of government and fox news was his main source of propaganda. The other idea involves Lucifer trying to find who is behind the recent killings of his fellow angels, both Arch and Fallen Angel. I might go with the latter idea, it's the one that appeals to me the most but the more I write the basic run down of the story the more I find plot holes in the plot. Maybe I can just go for it and suspend disbelief. A lot of novels never really follow real life, and I have Morningstar as the main protagonist! So yeah, I will update more when it happens.

And that pretty much wraps this post up, I hope you have a good weekend and I hope you have fun in what ever you guys do.